06 July 2010

The Trunk of Broken Dreams

For those who weren't readers of my previous blog, some background.  All my life I've been overweight then, about 4-5 years ago, because of health problems and being fed up with being fat, I lost weight.  Over about a year, I dropped 40 kgs.  I became the girl in the "after" picture.

Life was good and I lived happily ever after.

Except I didn't.

I hit the golden moment.  I won the prize.  I even stayed there for a while.  I ran a half marathon and attended reunions.  Lots of kudos, lots of compliments.  I was bullet-proof

Then I slacked off.  All the lessons I'd learnt, all the smarts I had disappeared.  I kept telling myself - I'll lose weight soon.  Oh that top must have shrunk in the wash.  Those jeans never fit right.  Lies and self deceptions.

On the weekend, as part of my ebay clean out, I sorted through my trunk of clothes.  Outfits I'd forgotten mocked me with their smallness.  They fit me once but that time was long, long ago.  Maybe this is shallow, maybe this is weak, but I felt like crying looking at those clothes.  The size 11 jeans, the tiny little mini skirt and my absolute favourite red and white polka dot dress.

They are just clothes.  Just clothes.  I can buy more and I have bought more but it feelslike giving up.  Laying down and meeting defeat.

When I started losing weight, I kept things very simple.  But, as time went on, I read more about weight lose, about running, about fitness.  My head got filling to overflowing with a glut of information, most of it conflicting.  I had to do more - eat more protein, eat less carbs; train with intervals, lift more, blah, blah, blah.  I felt guilty if I went to the gym and only did ONE class.  Some days I spent 3 hours or more at the gym.

My head nearly exploded with all the 'coulds' and 'shoulds' and trying to reach pefection.

I want to get back to where I was when I started losing weight. Back then, I had a few simple rules:

  • Log everything I eat.  I didn't count calories, I didn't analyse, I just tracked.
  • Exercise every day.  It can be pilates or yoga or a walk.  Those types of things are good too.
  • Water.  Drink it.  All the time.
  • Before I eat something, think about if I want it.  If I REALLY want it.  Most of the time, I don't.
That's it.  No bullshit.  Keeping it simple.  Keeping it real, kids.


    1. Great Post. I'm at that point too where I'm going back to basics - track food, drink water, try & do something physical every day.

      I too did the manic gym thing & felt guilty for not doing back to back classes & then a weight session afterwards. It was madness!!!

      Why is it so bloody hard to find the happy medium??? :0)

    2. It's so simple. And so hard. To do this, first you need get your head in the right place, then you need to stay in that place for many, many months until it becomes second nature. My downfall is that I can't stick with it.

      Right now I need to decide to either buy the next size up in clothes or go on a diet for at least 3 months. I can't bring myself to do either. It has to happen soon.

    3. I really understand your struggle, every moment of it. Even when I'm doing well I feel like I'm a fraud, I just can't win!

      Take a deep breath, and take it a day at a time :)

    4. Alley, yeah it's crazy but so easy to do. If one gym class is good, two is twice as good... until the only ppl you talk to are the staff at the gym!

      Deb, buy new clothes. If you don't look good, you won't feel good. And if you don't feel good the temptation to eat more is there. Therefore you need new clothes!

      Scarlett, so true. Also fake it til you make it = also applies.

    5. I can totally relate hon. Since I started studying, I just sit on my arse more, stress more so eat more. I know, bad excuse but that's the vicious cycle I'm in right now. The worst thing I have done since February is stop tracking my food so have since put on 6kg. It doesn't matter how much exercise I do if I don't eat well also. Time to go back to basics and track my food!


    Thanks for commenting!

    Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.